New Furniture arrived at the Team Red offices this afternoon. No more $45 folding tables from Staples (which aren't available anymore). We're moving up to real AnthroCart tables.

The instructions have "helpful assembly tips" I wish the tips included these.

• Stop drinking at least an hour before trying to assemble these expensive things.

• Find all of the boxes and put them near each other. Squatting over a half-finished table shouting for someone to bring you the "other thingy" is unprofessional and rude.

• Don't throw stuff away until you're actually done. Rooting through the dumpster for the wheels is lame. You were warned.

• Be sure you have enough light. If you think you're going to plug your desk lamp in, you're wrong. You're building your new desk -- think -- where will the lamp go?

• Consider turning off your phone so you can actually finish the job before getting distracted by yet another help-desk call from a nimrod who poured a latte into their keyboard and claimed the web site was "erratic", but spelled it wrong in the trouble ticket (keyboard wasn't working) and caused a full-blown security alert.

Sadly, the real helpful tips aren't as colorful.